“Boys will by boys”??!

Yesterday I attended a vigil in Bath for Sarah Everard and her family and all women who have been killed, threatened or inappropriately treated by men…and as usual when something becomes a meme in the media my husband and I discuss it…So we compared notes and I was able to count at least 20 times, when I was younger, that I had been either followed or inappropriately treated by people of the opposite sex; admittedly I have not been raped and no-one has attempted to kill me, but there was a close shave once when I had to get out of a car at traffic lights and then run like hell (thank goodness they didn’t have central locking in those days). My husband came up with about 5 episodes – including two women who had dementia.

So this got me thinking – even though strength and power are important factors – they are not the whole story. Neither are women inherently kinder human beings…So another important factor has to be about upbringing. As a psychologist I know that as we are brought up we are socialised into taking on certain inhibitions – some good and some bad and they then become part of our core beliefs or schemas… And people with dementia lose their inhibitions…. I don’t want to lay more guilt on parents, but I know my son would never do anything to threaten a woman… And I remember as a young parent I hated the phrase “boys will be boys”. So let’s not use it anymore, as it really is the thin end of the wedge.

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