Becoming a Mum during the pandemic…

My daughter and my daughter-in-law both had their first babies during the third and first lockdowns respectively; so when I noticed an article about welcoming new life under lockdown (by Gray and Barnett) in the latest edition of the British Journal of Health Psychology, I thought it would be an interesting read and it was, and an emotional one too…

It was a piece of qualitative research and it came up with two themes: one “The buck stops with me” and two “Disrupted motherhood”. In the first theme, the mothers spoke abot feeling overwhelmingly responsible for this new baby and I think this is often the case with new mothers anyway, but it seemed worse for them during Covid times, partly because of the confusing information given out by the government and social media on the levels of risk, which meant mothers were often imposing harsher lockdown restrictions than those that were set.

The second theme had two parts to it; firstly the negative aspect of the disruption being destabilizing.: I.e. they had to change birthing plans and they missed out on family and friends seeing their new-born, which in turn removed a significant marker of the transition to motherhood.. One of the mothers spoke about the thwarted desire of a grandmother to hold her first grandchild as visceral and overwhelming….The silver linings of this theme though were more time to breastfeed and also more time with the father around to help out and bond with the child.

The implications of this research for future pandemics are in three key areas that could be improved on if anything ;like this ever happens again:

  1. Better risk communication.
  2. Birthing plans being more flexible and health professionals allowing the fathers to be there throughout labour.
  3. Better postnatal support from health professionals, ideally F2F and virtual drop in clinics for mothers to attend so that they can have some peer support too.


Some of you may or may not know that I am a trustee of CRPS – UK, as I used to be a researcher into the condition and I have published peer review articles about it and a novella under my pseudonym Maddy Chaston, called By Her Side, which is still available as a paperback or a kindle on Amazon…Unfortunately Complex Regional Pain Syndrome occurs more often in women – usually after an injury or an operation. Some people recover after a few weeks, whereas others go onto develop a chronic condition. It is almost as common as Rheumatoid Arthritis, but very few people know about it:

The symptoms may include some or all of the following:

  • Unbearable pain in an arm/hand or a foot/leg even to light touch
  • Swelling
  • Unusual perceptions about the shape and size of the limb
  • Sweating
  • Temporary extensive nail and hair growth
  • Colour changes in the skin
  • Temperature differences
  • Stiffness and/or erratic movements
  • So if you have 4 or more of these symptoms in one of your limbs do ask your GP to refer you to a rheumatologist.

Worth chatting about…

I can tell I haven’t written a blog in a while when I am still referring to The Psychologist February edition at the end of March! Anyway an article on conversations caught my eye and I thought I would share some of the findings mentioned on this:

  • Do talk to strangers – most people are happy to engage in conversation – but they don’t because they think you won’t want to….
  • Personal (physical) space is important – but more so to women.
  • People feel more connected when they talk about deep matters – it doesn’t always have to be small talk – but don’t whinge and moan.
  • Do be complimentary -people like it.
  • Don’t overthink about what you said afterwards.

Resolutions for mental health?

So many people make new year / January resolutions for their physical health, but it is quite unusual to do so for one’s mental health perhaps? Some people might think happiness is something to aim for? But you can’t be happy all the time and it is probably unhealthy to expect that – so perhaps a better way would be to embrace positive emotions when you can (see my blog from March 2015) on the 3:1 ratio).

So maybe “finding meaning” is a better way to approach things? It is good to look for meaningful experiences in work and leisure and relationships and spirituality, but one has to remember that if one does that, there will be the accompanying anxiety that you may lose these things – so having a purpose in life is a paradox!

Perhaps being calm is something to aim for too? Mindfulness is often proposed as a way to achieve this – although true mindfulness is actually more about an inner contentment that can weather the storms, rather than just appearing serene all the time! Mindfulness can help with mental health and also with decision making, but beware of narcissists who “do mindfulness” as it could make them worse…

If all else fails try compassion – for others and for yourself…#bekind


I guess at this time of year many of us will be writing labels for Christmas cards or presents to send…but we also apply labels to ourselves…In The Psychologist this month it talks about how labels for neurodiversity, such as ASD, are sometimes a mixed blessing; and it is the same with mental health: On the the one hand a diagnostic label can open doors to services sometimes, but on the other hand it can lead to stigma or a burden that we then feel we have to carry for the rest of our lives e.g. “I’m an anxious person”.

As a therapist I know that it is important to make a formulation about what is the matter with my clients, and therefore how best to work with them, but I don’t always use diagnostic labels, as there is so much more to a person than that. It is also the same with personality traits; we may be an extrovert or an introvert, but actually these traits are on a continuum and we can move a little up or down the scale, so we don’t have to feel we are stuck in a box that defines us.

So don’t wear the label of Scrooge or Grinch this Christmas season, just because that is what someone has said about you before…Instead get in touch with that inner child and see if you can find some joy in maybe just one thing – even if it is something small like a Winter frost on a leaf.

The Spotlight Effect….

I have recently had quite a few clients with social anxiety coming to me for treatment with CBT and the spotlight effect is quite often at the core of this type of anxiety…Remember that time you had your hair cut differently? And you thought lots of people were looking at you as you walked down the street? Well they probably weren’t – they would be just thinking about their own stuff…This feeling that everybody is looking at you or judging you is called the spotlight effect and when people have social anxiety they often get depression as well, as it can have knock on effects such as avoidance and fear of going out… One way to deal with the spotlight effect is to imagine you are on a stage with the spotlight on you and then the theatre house lights are switched on and you see that there are lots of other people there on the stage with you too.

Suicide prevention…

Last week was suicide prevention week and at the weekend I attended an online summit/webinar on this topic with talks given by various speakers. The best by far was by another health psychologist – Professor Rory O’Conner…he has spent many years of research in this area and he has recently published a book (which is now on my Wishlist with Amazon) called: “When it is darkest: Why people die by suicide and what we can do to prevent it.” Two of the most important things that struck me about his talk (which are covered in the book) are: 1. That there are many myths around suicide and 2. That there are certain things to look out for that will take somebody from the ideation stage to the action stage:

  1. Two of the myths around suicide are: (a) Suicide occurs without warning – this is a myth and (b) Suicide can’t be prevented -this is a myth too and there are others.
  2. There are several factors that make it more likely that someone will attempt suicide and two of these are: (a) knowing somebody else who has done it and (b) having a fearlessness around death.

So if you know someone who is feeling trapped or a burden on others, then do ask them how they are feeling (and mean it) and another myth is that talking about it plants a seed in their mind of autosuggestion – this is not true and conversely talking to somebody about it might help them seek help.

Self – confidence?

I have had quite a few clients recently who want to increase their self-confidence…and in the past I used to equate self-confidence with the psychological concept of self-efficacy (Bandura)Self-efficacy being your belief in your ability to do something e.g. my PhD was mainly about young women’s belief in their ability to breastfeed their babies. However when I ask my clients further questions about their lacking in self-confidence, it is often about anxiety, but also about low self-esteem. Yes they may have low self-efficacy for managing their anxiety, but more often than not the low self-esteem has come first.. self-esteem being essentially about how much we like ourselves – too low and we suffer, too high and we are at risk of becoming narcissistic. Quite often the non-psychologist will confuse self-esteem and self-efficacy, but they are different concepts. However they can overlap, for example when we really care about something and our self-efficacy to carry out that task or learn that skill is low, then that can in turn affect our self-esteem…So next time a client comes to me saying they have low self-confidence I will by all means help them to cope if they are anxious, but may also look at their self-esteem…And sometimes it is better to reframe that as self-compassion.

Time please…

I know I have written on time before (LOL – see my last blog on Time Again) but I have been inspired to do so again by a piece in “The Psychologist” this month.

The writer makes two points on time management which are interesting:

1.Time management is partly a privileged phenomenon i.e. f you can afford to pay some people to do tasks that you would rather not do, then that gives you more time for other things than somebody who has to do all the tasks themselves.

2. Research has shown that although time management is quite important at work; it is actually more important in our home lives and has a big impact on wellbeing, reduces anxiety and leads to better life satisfaction.

Obviously I am careful to be on time for my clients, but it is easier to do that when you are working mainly from home! I am still late to church sometimes, but I have found that if I allow more time to do things I usually get less stressed. And time-management of course is not a Rule for living, but a helpful guideline…

Having surgery…

If you saw my post last year about fad diets, you will know that I was hospitalised briefly with a problem with my gall bladder… Well I finally had it out last month…And one of the things that helped me pre and post surgery was my knowledge as a health psychologist… I remembered that it is important to have knowledge of what was going to happen to me, but not too much i.e. no gory details. Research has shown this is very important – if you go into surgery not knowing anything, then you can’t prepare yourself for what you need to do afterwards to recover and if you know too much you maybe increasing your anxiety levels.

So if you have to have surgery for whatever reason use your chance to speak with the consultant and the anaesthetist to ask questions and write them down in advance if necessary. Use breathing techniques to calm yourself down on the day of the surgery, make sure you have people around to support you afterwards and don’t have unrealistic expectations about when you will get back to “normal”. Also do the physiotherapy exercises you have been given.

And yes “I’m getting there”…